This experience reminded me why having a code word is crucial for keeping our kids safe.
When I was a child, my mother taught me to use a code word if I ever found myself in trouble and couldn’t speak openly about it. As an adult, I decided to pass on this life-saving trick to my daughter. I figured she might use it to avoid an awkward sleepover or uncomfortable hangout. Never did I imagine she’d need to use it so soon.
Yesterday started like any other day, or so I thought. As I sat in the kitchen, finishing my evening coffee, my phone rang. It was my ex-husband, Dave. Our once warm and affectionate relationship had become strained over the years, as divorce often does. We tried to maintain civility for our daughter, Amy, but tension was always there.
“Hey, Claire,” Dave’s voice was hesitant. “Amy wants to talk to you. She’s been asking to tell you about her day since she got here.”
This caught me off guard. Amy usually enjoyed her weekends with her dad and rarely called me during those visits. “Oh, sure, put her on,” I replied, keeping my voice steady, though I felt a knot forming in my stomach.
“Hi, Mom!” Amy’s voice was cheerful, but something in her tone didn’t sit right with me. I listened closely, picking up on an unusual undercurrent in her usually light-hearted chatter.
“Hey, sweetie! How’s your weekend going? Having fun?” I asked, trying to keep the conversation upbeat.
“Yeah, it’s been good. We went to the park yesterday, and I drew some pictures this morning. I drew a dog, a tree, and… I wish I had a blue marker so I could draw blueberries.”
The word “blueberries” hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart skipped a beat. Amid her innocent conversation, Amy had slipped in our secret code word. I froze, trying to stay calm. The word meant “get me out of here immediately.”
“That sounds great, honey. I’m coming to get you. Please don’t say anything to your father. I’ll explain when I get there.”
“Did you have anything else you wanted to tell me?”
“No, that’s it,” she said sweetly, but I sensed an underlying fear in her voice. I knew I had to get her out of there.
“I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“Okay, Mom. Love you.”
“Love you too, my Amy Wamy.” I heard her giggle as I hung up the phone, but my hands were trembling. What could have happened? Dave had always been a good father. But something was clearly wrong. I grabbed my keys and headed to his place, determined to bring Amy home.
When I arrived and knocked on the door, I was surprised to be greeted by a woman I didn’t recognize. She looked at me with a mix of curiosity and annoyance.
“Can I help you?” she asked curtly.
“I’m here to pick up my daughter. Is Dave home?”
“He just stepped out to run some errands, but Amy’s inside. Who are you?”
“I’m Claire, Amy’s mom,” I replied, trying to keep my cool. “And you are?”
The woman’s expression hardened. “I’m Lisa, Dave’s girlfriend. We’ve been living together for a few weeks now.”
I blinked, shocked. Dave had never mentioned having a girlfriend, let alone living with someone. Why hadn’t Amy said anything about this before? But now wasn’t the time for questions. I needed to get my daughter out of there.
“Well, Lisa, I just remembered Amy has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning, and there are some things we need to go over beforehand,” I lied, forcing a smile. “I forgot to mention it to Dave, but I’ll bring her back later.”
Lisa didn’t seem convinced but didn’t argue. “Fine, but I’ll tell Dave.”
“Of course,” I said, stepping into the house. Amy was curled up on the couch, coloring in a book. Her face lit up when she saw me, but I noticed the relief in her eyes.
“Hi, sweetie,” I said, keeping things light. “We need to prepare for the doctor tomorrow, remember?”
Amy nodded, clutching her book. She didn’t say a word as we left the house. Lisa watched us go, but she didn’t stop us. Once we were in the car and driving away, I glanced at my daughter.
“You okay, baby?” I asked gently.
Amy nodded at first, but then the tension melted away, and she started to cry. “Mom, Lisa… Lisa is mean to me when Dad isn’t around.”
My heart sank. “What do you mean, sweetie?”
“She says I’m annoying and that I shouldn’t be there. She told me if I told Dad, he wouldn’t believe me because I’m just a kid. She said I should stay in my room and not bother them.”
Anger flared inside me. How dare this woman, a stranger in my daughter’s life, treat her this way?
“Amy, you did the right thing by telling me. I’m so proud of you,” I said, trying to stay calm. “You don’t ever have to be around her again if you don’t want to. I’ll talk to your dad, and we’ll figure this out, okay?”
Amy nodded, wiping her tears. “Okay, Mom.”
When we got home, I hugged Amy tightly, reassuring her of my love. Once she was settled with her favorite stuffed animal, I called Dave. He answered on the third ring.
“Hey, Claire, did something happen? Lisa said you picked up Amy?”
“Yes, something happened,” I replied, barely containing my anger. “Amy used our code word today, Dave. She wanted to leave because Lisa has been saying awful things to her when you’re not around.”
There was a long silence. “What? That can’t be right… Lisa wouldn’t—”
“She did, Dave. Amy was in tears by the time we got in the car. She’s scared of your girlfriend and didn’t know how to tell you, so she told me the only way she could.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea. I’ll talk to Lisa. This isn’t okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I agreed, my voice softening. “But what’s more important is Amy. She’s the one we need to focus on.”
“You’re right,” Dave said, sounding defeated. “I’ll handle it. I promise.”
After hanging up, I sat on the couch, emotionally drained. This wasn’t how I’d imagined my weekend, but I was glad Amy felt safe enough to use our code word. It made all the difference.
Then and there, I decided Amy needed a phone. I knew technology could be tricky, but it would give her a direct way to reach me.
Reflecting on the day, I realized how crucial it is for parents to have a code word with their children. It offers them a safe way to communicate when they can’t speak openly. But choosing the right code word is essential.
First, avoid common words that might come up in conversation, like “school” or “birthday.” You don’t want to cause unnecessary alarm. The word should be unique and not easily guessed.
Second, consider a short phrase if your child is old enough. Something like “sunshine forest” or “dancing penguin” adds an extra layer of security. Make sure your child can recall it easily, even under stress.
Lastly, practice using the code word in different scenarios so your child feels confident and prepared if they ever need it.
Our experience was a powerful reminder of how a simple plan can make a big difference. I hope by sharing our story, other parents will consider creating a code word with their children. It might just be the tool they need in a critical moment.
Note:
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Sources: Amomama.com; fitbodymedia